I downloaded the latest version of SmartDeploy, rebuilt the image entirely, updated every app in the Microsoft Store, ran all Windows Updates, captured the image again, created new boot media, and redeployed the fresh image. I still got broken apps. This time, it was a little worse because other apps that had never broken before (such as the weather app) were now broken, and the default apps were even swapping to something called TWINUI.
Did I miss a step somewhere? It didn't seem fixed from my experience.